Be ing

Some people try so hard to be SOMEBODY. I don’t actually see the point because everybody is, isn’t (s) he?  I’ve decided to be a writer but after a very short period of time I realised that I would be a bad one. I don’t have a wide fantasy and want to keep my experience secret...so I just stopped. Stopped and waited for a sign. Than thanked God for not studying creative writing and now, write right now I have no idea how to move on. My parents keep telling me that I can be anything I want; sounds exactly as “being somebody” to me.

I have one bottle of vodka in my closet. I use to drink it with my best friends, now I drink it every time someone asks me whether I’ve already made the decision.  You know, it isn’t only about writing, this is about plans themselves. My father says that plans are women’s poetry. I’m a poet. I used to be a poem but unfortunately I’ve lost my words.  I always make plans about future when I am in love.  Now I’m not anymore. I’m (in) low. And all the possible future disappeared with my ex.

This is not going to be about my desperate situation or crying above my lost illusions. This is about how to kick my ass and make a plan for myself and no one else. I guess I will be a ....to be continued.