to cook my own goose OR to cook

I tent to punish myself.

I usually stop doing all the things I like until I lose myself, start to seriously hate my life and the person I am without everything what makes me myself and than I naturally have to go back to the point zero and be myself again.

During the last month I lost 5kilos because I stopped cooking. I'm a good cook and I enjoy it. My life was poor without selfmade food.

Today I tried to explain to my little heart and soul that life will (somehow) go on. I prepered gnocchi and got that feeling that I am back in my old kitchen surrounded by those I love and nothing really happend at all.

Make yourself at least a cup of coffee! We all should move on...

what Karouac gave us

/\

Utopila utopie

U toho pila, pí je

Teď  je loví na  dně

Prý  je  love  na  dně

Každého    hoře     moře

A  hloubka je  prý o  pokoře.

about to use(,) (L) lano

Dneska jsem smutná.
Today I am sad.

single=bad

sleeping on a single bed is cool when you are travelling and taking cheap hostels. Sleeping on a single bed at home is more like "Babe, what about the handsome guy from neighbourhood?"-"MUM!!!"

Yeah, and suddenly the fact that my stuff don't fit together seems like I have single cups, single glasses, single cutlery and everything is my fault. And it is.

Partnership is about compromises and you can't make them forever. Once you are pretty full you should make something very selfish, not letting anyone help you and enjoy the possible fail fully too.

And now is my time. I'm failing in my baking attempts and thanks God I'm not having any others. On the other hand I'm very successful at meeting handsome guys. I see I got into the age when everyone thinks we can have intercourse based on a fact we both want IT. Don't really get it because once the guy is not able to give me more than just his physical energy and piece of his body (and only for a while!), I don't consider him to be a potential prince charming. And who less should be kissing me good night? Hell...this is going to be a deal!

not your mummy, sorry

Todaaaay I did a bit of baking! yeah. Housewife. yeah. And all I want to say is : Fuck you macarons, seriously fuck you. Are you trying to look interesting or what?! I'm not going to continue this fucking deal forever! Was it a game? If so, go and die in the own you little bitches, I am disappointed!

I guess I won't stop till I will have this at home. And yes, this situation will be real after spanding a huge money at Paul's.

tot too

Včera jsem jela autobusem ze Strakonic a projížděla jednou zatáčkou, ve které jsem se kdysi modlila, ať nabouráme a celá rodina zahyneme. Tenkrát jsem upřednostňovala jednoduchá řešení. Začala jsem pak přemýšlet o knize, kterou jsem nechtěla dočíst, byla totiž o tetování a to mě nezajímalo (John Irving: Until I find you).

Když jsem byla mladší, chtěla jsem se nechat tetovat, ale nemohla jsem vymyslet něco dost významnýho a „mýho“, abych to chtěla mít na těle po zbytek života bez ohledu na to, kým budu. Včera mě napadlo, nechat si na zadek vytetovat „SEM NE“ , ale muselo by to být tiskace, aby díky nějakýmu blbýmu fondu někdo nemyslel, že je tam „SEMENO“ a nemělo to opačný efekt.

Yesterday I took a bus from Strakonice and went through one curve where I once prayed for our family to crash and die all together. In those times I preferred simple solutions. I started to think about a book I didn’t want to read because it was about tattoos and I didn’t find it interesting  (Irving’s Until I find you ...until I find you interesting-maybe?! That would explain its 800 pages, it may take a while).

When I was younger I wanted to get tattooed but I couldn't find motive significant and “mine” enough to want to have it on my body till the very end of my life. Yesterday I got the idea of having “NOT HERE” on my butt but then I found out it can be quite misleading in Czech.

Unbroken heart

As I wrote I had plans with my ex and now I'm plan-less, I want to say I'm PAINLESS too. And penniless...but that's different story and the word sounds almost like "penis" to me so let's move to the point..

I had a pretty good relationship with a boy who was my lover and the best friend. One day it started to fade away, at this age people are very changeable, you are exploring (and exploding) and finding new possibilities...and you can change very quickly into a quite different person. And we changed. I should had known it already two years before when we were on a holiday by the sea and kids called us  “Edward and Bella” that was actually the first sign that I will change and he will never get suntanned.

I just wanted to make clear that I’m not broken-hearted, only broken-planned. We split up very slowly, in a pretty nice and polite way. The main problem is that the person who I am now is not capable of creating a new pair with someone else and not able to figure out all the other aspects of life- job/ school/ flat/ tooth brash/ haircut/ socks. Sucks. 

Correct mistakes (?)

How big mistake is to be incorrect?
When thinking about the blog address I looked in my library, saw to Manon Lescaut book and wrote it down (incorrectly).
Than the name of the blog- my favorite line from the book. Ok.
And than the decision to write in English. Most of the blogs in Czech or Slovak I've read were in both languages, quite practical I thought, but tough work.
So I have a Czech name, incorrect address and I write in English (incorrectly too).
I thought to myself: You can easily delete it and start again- BUT then I realized that THIS style is pretty me. I'm doing everything in rush, I don't like checking my ideas with dictionary I don't like censoreship and redoing what was once complete.
What do you think? Are you the same? (just begging for some interaction)

Be ing

Some people try so hard to be SOMEBODY. I don’t actually see the point because everybody is, isn’t (s) he?  I’ve decided to be a writer but after a very short period of time I realised that I would be a bad one. I don’t have a wide fantasy and want to keep my experience secret...so I just stopped. Stopped and waited for a sign. Than thanked God for not studying creative writing and now, write right now I have no idea how to move on. My parents keep telling me that I can be anything I want; sounds exactly as “being somebody” to me.

I have one bottle of vodka in my closet. I use to drink it with my best friends, now I drink it every time someone asks me whether I’ve already made the decision.  You know, it isn’t only about writing, this is about plans themselves. My father says that plans are women’s poetry. I’m a poet. I used to be a poem but unfortunately I’ve lost my words.  I always make plans about future when I am in love.  Now I’m not anymore. I’m (in) low. And all the possible future disappeared with my ex.

This is not going to be about my desperate situation or crying above my lost illusions. This is about how to kick my ass and make a plan for myself and no one else. I guess I will be a ....to be continued.

just left the one who wasn't right

Vždycky mi vadil předpoklad, že na začátku bylo slovo. Slova totiž nikdy nic nezačnou a nikdy nic neskončí. Slova jsou jen nevinné oběti.

Psychologové se domnívají, že slova úzce souvisí s myšlením a pamětí.

Slova jsou jen realizace konceptů.

Langue a parole? Tam rozhodně nemířím. Jdu psát blog. Nechci se opírat o fakta, nesnažím se dělat umění.  Nemůžu se z toho vyspat, tak se z toho zkusím vypsat….Vítejte.

I’ve never liked the assumtion that at the very beginning there was a word. Words can't start things and neither can they end them up. Words are innocent victims. Psychologist believe that words are closely connected with the ability to think and to remember. Words are just realizations of concepts.Langue and parole? No, that's not where I'm heading to.I am going to write a blog. I don't want base my statements on facts, I'm not trying to make a piece of art. I just can't oversleep it so I'm trying to get over it via writing...Wellcome.