co tě neposune, to tě přiblíží

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psychiatry

today I made a brand new experience. I laid on the floor of psychiatric clinique. 

I went there as a volunteer to take a EEG examination to be in a control group for OCD research but as I overslept and didn't have a breakfast I suddenly felt weak and end up on the floor. It was extremely embarassing and they had to call a doctor and the doctor told my, that he was surprised that I was a volunteer, he thought I was a patient. I felt so ashamed. I left the clinique with a waterfall of tears and wanned to cry all day for being so weak, for risking so much for not being able to handle my new life on my own. And than it got better. A friend of mine helped my with nice words a cup of coffee helped me with my blood presure and I started to work on a pretty cool presentation for tomorrow. But sometimes I see my life as a sick joke. I never though I would collapse and if...not on such a wierd place. But life changes....

Tea Cher

Today I woke up and felt the well known pain under my heart. I was scared. I was doing my best to find a will and I got up. Went to bathroom and then went to school- for the first time as a teacher.

I am not a class teacher, that for I was just running all around the building and learning how to put the overhead on. How to test, how to evaluate...how to survive...

I still haven't met my future students but I already heard the voices behind my back saying "That must be the new one.". I didn't confirm. So I still can escape...I guess.

Wish me good luck.